Another excuse not to ride: I am not wearing my jeans

ONE DAY A GUY WAS PASSING A COW PASTURE AND THEN HE COMES UP TO A HORSE PASTURE AND SEES A PRICE SLEEK THOURABRED THAT HAD BIG MUCLES AND WAS GLOWING VERY BRIGHT.AND THEN THE GUY SAYS THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO BUY THAT HORSE FROM THE GUY THAT HADE HIM.THEN THE GUY SAID "WELL?HE DOSENT LOOK THAT GOOD".THEN THE OTHER GUY SAID"ILL GIVE YOU 10,000 FOR HIM!". THEN THE OTHER GUY SAID "OK BUT I AM TELLING YOU HE DOSNT LOOK THAT GOOD!"THEN THE GUY LOADS THE HORSE INTO THE TRAILER AND AND AT THE GUYS HOUSE THE HORSE ACTS WIERD AND ALL AND THE GUY THOUGHT THAT MAYBE THE HORSE NEEDED EXCERSICE SO HE TAKES THE HORSE TO A SHOW AND THE HORSE NOCKS ALL THE BARRELS DOWN IN THE ARENA AND THE THE GUY FIRGUIZES OUT THE THE HORSE WAS BLIND AND HE GOS TO THE GUY HE BOUGHT THE HORSE FROM AND HE SAYS"YOU GAVE ME A BLIND HORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"THE THE OTHER GUY SAYS "WELL I TOLD YOU THAT HE DOSENT LOOK THAT GOOD!!!" DONT EVER BUY A HORSE BUY JUST LOOKING AT ITS LOOKS ALWAYS JUDGE THE HORSE ON HOW GOOOD IT IS AND HOW ITS HEALTH IS.

HERES A GIRL THAT WOULD RATHER CLEAN A STALE THEN CLEAN HER ROOM. HERES A GIRL THAT WOULD RATHER KISS HER HORSE THAT KISS A BOY. HERES A GIRL THAT WOULD RATHER PLAY HORSES THAN PLAY BARBIAS. HERES A GIRL THAT WOULD RATHER GO TO CIRCLE D RANCH THEN GO TO THE MALL. HERES A GIRL THAT WOULD RATHER DO A 4H HORSE PROJECT THEN A SCHOOL PROJECTED. HERES A GIRL THAT WOULD RATHER HANG WITH FRIENDS AT BARREL RACING TRAINING THEN HANG WITH FRIENDS AT THE MALL. IT ALL LEADS TO A COWGIRL!!! IF YOU ARE A COWGIRL YOU WOULD DO ALL THE THINGS UP ABOVE!!

A guy goes to texas and goes to a bar where a barn is to.These people at the bar are true horse lovers.He goes to the bar tender and asks for some water.The bar tender gives him a full bucket of water.He said everything is big in Texas.Then he had to go to the bathroom.He ask the bar tender where the bathroom was.The bar tender said it is 8 stalls down.When he started counting he skiped the first stall.1...2..3..4..5..6..7..8.He landed at a pool.Then he said:everything IS big in Texas! lol

A horse walks up to the bar tender and the bar tender says "Why such a long face?"

Live to ride,ride to live

I'd rather ride all day than dance all night

you know you are horse crazy when: you take someones temperature and think 102 degrees F. is normal.you talk to horses more than people.your lagh begins to sound like a whinny.

if theres no horses in heven im not going

what do gay horses eat? hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy horses are proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy

You know you're a horselover when you'd rather groom your horse than brush your own hair!

A ture horse lover is someone who would rather clean a stall then their room.

You are a horse lover when you take your kids temperature and think 101.4 is normal

You truly love your horse when you just laugh when he/she smears horse snot on your NEW coat!

If cleaning up means turnin your shirt inside out ..... you know your a redneck!

I can't ride my horse today ..... no one is here to get her ready!

your not a true horse person till you have at least one piece of hay in your hair!

Welsh Ponies rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know you're a horse person when... Yesterday I was feeding the horse I take care of and couldn't remember which food I was supposed to feed her, then remembered the owner saying it was basically just ground up alfalfa so I tasted each one to see which tasted more like alfalfa :) Didn't seem like a strange thing to do at the time...

all u peoples talking about ur appys being good or bad to chill. a horse is a horse u hillbillys now get over it

i love wayde!!!!!!

i love wayde!!!!!!

if you think that giving your dog a bath means spray it with febreeze.....ya might be a redneck

what goes as fast as a race horse? the jockey

gtroom-process where one removes lose scarff and hair into ones mouth

I Can't ride my Horse, I rode her yesterday for several hours. She might not be fully recuperated!

NO RIDE IS EVER THE LAST RIDE, NO HORSE IS EVER THE LAST HORSE, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE OTHER RIDES, OTHER HORSES, AND MANY MORE VISITS TO THE BARN. HORSES ARE ABSOLUTELY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, GRACEFUL CREATURES ON EARTH!

Once there was a cowboy riding his horse down the trail when he saw a rattlesnake,coiled and ready to strike!He pulled out his gun and prepared to shoot when the snake opened its mouth and said,"Don't shoot,I'm a magic snake,and if you spare me,I'll give you three wishes."So the cowboy smiled and said,"o.k.Give me the face of Jude Law,the body of Brad Pitt,and the thingy of my horse."When he got home ,he ripped off his shirt admired his face and chest took off his pants and yelped "I forgot I was riding my mare!"

What do you call a bad horse that you see at night? a nightmare!

WHENEVER YOU TRY TO JUMP A 3 FOOT FENCE, BUT YOUR HORSE CAN ONLY JUMP 2 FEET YOU ALWAYS LAND ON THE OTHER SIDE ANYWAY? HAVE YOU EVER HAD A HORSE MYSTERIOUSLY DISSAPEAR, WELL LET ME TELL YOU, WHEN I WENT TO GO GET MY ANDALUSIAN FOR SHOW DAY AND I SAW A WHITE STALLION IN HIS STALL SO I CALLED THE COPS. EVER NOTICED WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO RIDE YOUR HORSE IS PERFECT, AND WHEN YOU DO HE THROWS YOU OFF?

I need to defend my appy. She is very sweet and calm under the saddle even tho' shes only been ridable for 4 or 5 months. she is also very smart and can run faster than any of them old nags out there. shes very beautiful and lovable. she loves to please people, so shove that up your butts

I REALLY NEED TO DEFEND MY APPY.SHE IS VERY FAST AND REALLY PRETTY,AND VERY CALM UNDER THE SADDLE! SHE CAN GET SPIRITED BUT IS MOSTLY GENTLE AND VERY SWEET.SHE IS ALSO VERY SMART! I THINK APPYS ARE SOME OF THE BEST HORSES THERE ARE!

Its to sunny to ride.

Horsey Definitions: Lungeing- a method horses use on thir rider to spin them around in circles, causing the rider to get sick and pass out,allowing the horse to return to grazing Apple- an excuse for a horse to bite you to its hearts content

Here's a girl that would rather wear her wranglers instead of a dress... See her horse more than her boyfriend... And would rather go to a horse show than prom! When your horse won't listen----'your not asking the wrong question.. your just askin the question wrong!!" Ya know ya love to ride when you get the top of your finger cut off..get stitches in it.. then go play with your horse in the pond!!

whats with the long( )face

you know your a horse lover when you just get doen riden and you have a glass of tea and your horse pics up the jar your drinken aout of tips his/her head back and drinks some but you act like nothen even happened. (TRUE) oh and i would like to say my APPY is really handsome, he is fast, and acts like a big DOG.

One sample from my massive compilation. Signs you are a horse lover, 1. When you call stylish people "Hackneys".

Joke: I am like a Standardbred horse in one way. In that I can trot or walk quite fast without running. (Yes, this is actually true!)

Q:how do u make a small fortune in the horse busines? A: start out with a big one!! ( if u want 2 c my horse go 2 google images & he should be there under chips shy love bytes) i <3 chip!!my baby 4 year old!!!!

Joke: When the fly's start coming, you may want to start thinking about getting yourself a flysheet.

Joke: Whe nthe fly's start coming, you may want to start thinking about getting yourself a flysheet.

Typo'ed Its special neck extension maximizes the coverage given to the areas of the horse mostly effected by irritating flies and midgets. From a discription of a fly sheet. Jokes: If trimming your horse on a windy day, borrow your horse's fly sheet and fly mask.

You know you love horses when you... Check out Stallions/mares more than cowboys/girls 'd rather hug your horse than hug your parents can't enjoy a vacation because you're worried about your horse can't afford new shoes for yourself because Spirit just got a trimming.

Of course you are a horse person if you understand this webpage! You know you love horses when...

Q:Maggie went to a 3 day event on Friday and came back on Friady after the events.How is this poosible? A:Her Horse's name was Friday

"Best thing to do is to flow with her go she'll lift her spirits to high from low,look into her big eyes and what you'll see intelligence,determinationand all you want to be." -Ride like there's no tomorrow

You know you are a horse addict when: 1. You start doing the piaffe for no reason at all. 2. You call your retainer a your bit.

The worst excuses i have ever heared.............. 1.i'm useing some one elses girth and there is no outher girths that fit that pony. 2.my horses is lame and it's limping. soulutions 1.use one of the riding schools girths. 2.it could have a stone or it could of been leaning on it's foot and just hadn't got it's strength back.

You know you are a horse person when your horse gets more hugs and kisses than your husband/boyfriend. And, when your Jack Russell Terrior has its own minature horse to ride. Yep thats true too. :)

Your husband/boyfriend tells you that "You love your horse more than you love me" and you reply "Your Point?" YEP! YEP! That has actually happened to me. ;)

You know you're a horse person when you think that a golf course is a waste of good pasture land.

u kno ur a horse person when- 1. the only thing that will get you up in the morning is someone telling you that u can't go to the barn in your bed. 2. when ur wearing horse clothes and someone tells you to "get dressed" you respond "whats wrong w/ wut i'm wearing?" 3.when u c and animal running you check to make sure it's on the wrong lead. 4. you turn down trips to places like hawaii saying either "no i have a show then." or "o i can't b away from my horse for that long." 5. when your family doesn't understand why u keep a pic of ur horse in your walet, u ask your mom "y do u keep a picture of me in your wallet?" 6. all ur friends and family will never say "riding isn't a sport" ever again. 7. wen you complain that ten is too early and the person your talking to says that you wake up at 6 to ride everyday, u simply say "well, thats different." all of these aply 2 me

I keep a very clean stall, but my son told me that "we're starting to track dirt out of the house".

Murphy's Law #37 It will be on the day that you got a bad grade in school and ran home to cry on the neck of your pony that she decides to step on you and run you over on her way to greener pastures.

Murphy's Law #42 The only time your grey horse is clean is the day you go out to take pictures of her for the Dirtiest Horse Contest.

Murphy's Law #64 It will be on the day of your most important show that your grey horse will turn purple from using too much shampoo.

Murphy's Horse Law #78 The longer you take braiding your horse's mane the night before the show, the more braids will come undone by the time you make it to the show.

Murphy's Law #288 Any grey horse that has been successfully shampooed the night before a show WILL manage to coat themselves entirely in both grass stains and manure by the time you are ready to leave for the show

my horse is the best said the woman no mine is the best said the other 1 it does everythang mine does ,so does mine said the other woman they started to pull eachothers hair out then later that day they came to get the horses in , in amazement they had no mane left

Horses are "catch 22" When all seems just right, it really isn't. (or "Murphy's Law", If something can go wrong, it will!

There once was an old ugly cowboy.He got on his horse one day when he came accross a rattle snake. The cowboy pulled out his gun and pointed it at the snake when it suddenly said,"Don't shout I'm a magic snake.I'll grant you three wishes.The cowboy agreed. I wish I had the good looks of a handsome movie star, the musels of a muselman, and breeding parts like the ones of this here horse i'm riding.Okay said the snake when you get to the stable, you're wishes will come true.The cowboy rushed back to the stable and looked in the mirror. He was very handsome.He pulled off his shirt and saw that he had wonderful musels.He ripped off his pants and screemed, Darn, I was riding my mare!

I can only please one person a doay Today is not your day and tommarrow doesnt look good either!!!!!!!!!!!

Buyer Beware ad says: Goes in snaffle real truth: like a bat out of hell

Q:Why can't a horse dance A:Because they have two left feet

a reason not to work your horse- my mare has P.M.S(prissy,mare,syndrome)

a reason not to work your horse- my mare has P.M.S(prissy,mare,syndrome)

a reason not to work your horse- she has P.M.S(prissy,mare,syndrome)

you know your a horse-a-holic when a family member gets scared and you say "she\he spooked."#2 your mom tells your to clen your room and you ask "where's the pitch-fork?"

u no, know, our a horse person when all u talk,think and dream about is horses. i do, i even breath, smell and eat like them 2!:)

You knoe that you are a horse person when you: gallop around remembering to do flying lead chnges when you go in a differnt direction. When you give one of your dogs a long name such as Alans Bold Dakota. When you what someone to move faster you cluck and make strage horse sounds. When you rather ride a horse then hang out with your friends. When you constanlty think of how to improve a breed of horse or create a new breed.

Under we go ..................... under the neck of the horse when u put on a bridle

A really funny story to read is on the home page at equisearch.com called "A Novice Rider's Dressage Adventure"!!! If you're into dressage, you'll be laughing so hard when you're done reading it!!! HAVE FUN!!!

Why I'm not working my horse is because we're bonding.

here's something to think about:if you are a true horse and pony lover, then why are you saying that some breeds are better than others? All horses should seen magnificent and wonderful to you in every way if you truly love horses.

I knew I was a horse person when my mother-in-law was scheduled for surgery, and I asked my husband when she would be going for her pre-purchase exam!

when the same girl who is almost impossible to rise at 6:45 for school is perfectly willing to get up at 5:30 so she can go work at the barn durring the summer!

A city man was driving in the country when he saw a beautiful horse in a pasture. He stopped by the farm and started talking to the farmer, who owned him. "I'll give you $2 thousand for that horse," the man said. "I dont know, he doesnt look too good," the farmer said, doubtedly. "He looks great! I'll give you3 thousand dollars!" the man said again. "okay, whatever..." the farmer said. The man paid his money and took the horse home that day. The next day he came back, and was furious! "You tricked me!" the man said, "this horse is blind!". So the farmer replied, "I told you he didn't lookso good."

U know u luv horses when, while grooming 1, u finish brushing his coat then use the same brush u used on him 2 fix up ur hair!!!:)

Horsey Holidays w/ Martha Steward 1. Take red and green tape and cover your horse's halter for a festive look. 2. Trim your horse's hooves with pinking shears and stencil a different holiday picture on each hoof. 3. Tie ribbons on the muck tub and decorate the handle with bells. Whenever your horse poops, skip up the aisle shaking the tub, humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." 4. Spray paint the pitchfork gold and decorate with raffia and holly. 5. Place a fresh lemon slice in your horse's new silver water bucket. 6. Stamp out carrot and apple treats with copper cookie cutters and decorate with royal icing and a number 2 rosette tip. 7. Collect mane and tail hair and hang in wire baskets outside the barn for the birds. 8. Let the farm dogs drink egg nog from the toilet bowl. 9. Restuff all your pillows with horse hair saved from bodyclipping. 10. French braid your horse's tail intertwining red, gold and green threads, and make him wear a Santa hat. 11. Dress up like Santa. Put antlers on your horse. Hitch him up to the manure spreader and drive around the farm yelling "On Donner, On Blitzen etc." 12. Decorate yourself, your horse and your tack with Xmas tree lights. Use methane from your most flatulent horse to power the whole system. 13. Soak your white polos in starch. While still wet, form into angels. When dry, hang up around the barn. 14. Coat the barn cats in Elmer's glue and roll in red and green glitter. 15. Take the chain harrow and spell out "Merry Christmas" in your neighbor's hay field so people in airplanes can read it. 16. Change cross ties in barn to braided red licorice. Hot glue candy canes at 3 inch intervals. 17. Fill the automatic waterers with hot buttered rum. 18. Hang mistletoe over the stallion's door and let all the "girls" stop by for a kiss. 19. Train your geldings to write "Merry Christmas" in the snow. Disclaimer: The author does not necessarily recommend or advocate these transformations and will not be responsible for anyone trying them and please do not roll the barn cats in glue.

Horse exscuse: My horse is tired today I'm tired My horse doesn't want to, he/she told me

You know you have HOS(Horse Obsession Syndrome) when....... 1)When you have to do a report for Animal Science, your teacher automaticaly marks you down for Horse. 2) You skip school to go to professonal horse events, even though you absolutley love school(yea right) 3)Your Barn is cleaner than your room.... no matter what 4) Your Clothes and hair are always messy, but your horse and tack are always clean 5)When people walk slow, you star clucking/clicking 6)Every time a horse realted thing happens at school, every one starts loking at you.

why do horses tell you to do things because thier nags HA HA HA HA HA

you know your a horse person when: 1)you watch a cow break into a canter and watch to see if it is on the right lead 2)you walk behind your dog and they stop and you cluck then say "trot". 3)you feel more comfortable in riding boots than tennis shoe 4)every fantise involves horses 5)you can imagen the feel of jumping when ridding a 4wheeler down a small but steep hill or jumping the hill. 6)you can tolerate a horse stepping on your foot and pushing you more than a person doing it 7)you go to a fair and head straight for the horse barn (even when you don't have a horse there) 8)you love the smell of a sweaty horse but no of a sweaty person 9)you kill mosquitoes and other insects with your bare hands with out going "oh gross" 10)you wonder why people stare at you when you walk in to a room after riding

One day in heaven, Saint Peter, Saint Paul and Saint John were standing around near the horse paddocks watching the horses frolic. "I am certainly bored," stated John. "Me too," Paul chimed in. Peter stood and watched the horses. "I know!" Peter began. "Why don't we have a horse show?" Paul and John thought that the idea was great except for one small detail that Paul pointed out. "Who are we to compete against Peter?" Paul asked. The trio pondered a moment when Peter realized the Answer. "We will call up Satan and invite him to the horse show. I mean, we have all of the finest horses here in Heaven, all of the World and National Champions are here. His stable is ridden with the spoiled, difficult And mean horses. We are certain to win at the show!" And so the trio calls up Satan on the other realm communication lines and invited him to their horse Show. Satan laughed and asked why they would want to be humiliated like that, because he would certainly Beat them. Peter, Paul and John did not understand. "What do you mean Satan?" Peter asked. "We have all of the National and World Champion horses in our stable in heaven. How Could you possibly beat us?" Satan paused a moment and then laughed. "Have you forgotten so soon gentlemen? I have all the judges!"

For all those who can't accept that Appaloosas are better than your horse! Apps I've known can outrun ur QH and thorbreds, and turn twice as fast as them paints

One one was a racehorse, two two was one too. One one won one race. Two two won one too!! Why did the indians ride Appaloosas?? They were too embarrused to ride a cow!!

Three horses are in the same stable one day and start bragging about how many races they've won. The first says "Of the last 15 races I've ran, I've won 8 of them!" The other horses agree that this is a good score. The second says "Well, of the last 24 races I've ran, I've won 16!" Again, the horses agree that this is pretty good. Finally the last one says "Well, of the last 36 races I've ran, I've won 27!" The horses think that is a great score. A greyhound dog who was sitting back and listening came forward and said "I don't mean to brag, but of the last 90 races I've ran I've won 80." The horses are clearly amazed as they stare at the old dog. Finally, one of them speaks. "WOW!", he says, "A talking dog!"

You know your a horse person when... (I'm guilty of all these things. 1)When talking about your ancestory, you say, "My bloodlines go back to..." 2)Seabiscuit is NOT a funny name 3)Your dog canters on the correct lead when running around the yard 4)You can't figure out the wierd looks you get when talking about breastplates 5)You can talk about sheath cleaning without cracking a smile 6)You've eaten horse treats for dinner 7)You've eaten bran...and it tastes good 8)You've convinced your family, friends, and everyone in a ten mile radius that horseback riding IS a sport 9)You use show sheen, horse shampoo, clear hoofpolish, and mane and tail brushes on yourself.If it's good enough for the horse, it's good enough for you.

I enjoying painting,and enjoying riding horses.So one day a friend ask me buy a horse of your own. so i thought for a moment.what kind of horse should i buy. and it came to me a paint horse because i enjoy painting.so i did.so when you see a paint horse,you know the people must enjoy painting.

More ways to tell if someome is a city-slicker around horses: They don't like the smell of horse manuer and horse sweat, they call a trot a gallop, Their legs hurt after they've been riding for ten minutes, They get totally confused when you talkabout a horse's barrel and also their poll!

Why were Indians so fierce in battles? Because they had to ride Appaloosas

I'm too hung over to ride and if I do I'll get sick

You know you're a horseperson when: 1)You scratch your own back with the curry comb while you're grooming your horse. 2)You have found that equine show glitter works just as well in your hair as your horse's! 3)You wear your cowboy boots with your shorts. 4)Douse yourself with fly spray before going out to the barn. 5)Gross out your city friends by killing giant horse flies with your bare hand! 6)You carry a flyswatter in one hand and a quirt in the other. 7)90% of your thoughts revolve around how to rid yourself and your horse of gnats. 8)You don't care who's around when you have to spit out horse hair or bugs. 9)You tell people that your husband's red hair is 'chestnut with flaxen'. 10)You start judging men by horse breeds..."gals...go with a draft breed, and stay clear of those Arabs!" 11)You are embarrassed to wear sandals, 'cause your tan only goes down as far as the top of your cowboy boots.

You know you're a horse person when: YOur horse got new shoes six weeks ago and you got new shoes two years ago. Your horse gets four supplements every feeding and you're lucky if you remember your daily vitamin. YOur horse regularly sees his doctor and dentist, while you keep puttig off your next appointment. You "have" to stop and look at every horse you see. You now watch westerns just to check out the horses. Someone says you smell like a horse and you don't care, or worse yet, you secretly smile. You eat cold pizza (your supper) from the box in the aisleway while clipping your horse. You are frequently caught wearing shavings in your hair and/or leaving a trail of mud? from your boots. All of your pockets are full of hay chaff. Your horse has more hair care products than you do. You don't blink twice at the price of new horse blankets, but wouldn't think of spending that much on a coat for yourself. Your horse eats his meals before your husband gets his. you'd rather clean the barn than your home. YOu tend to your horse regardless of how cold, tired, or sick you are, or what time it is. Your horse is better groomed than you are. You celebrate your horse's birthday and bake him a cake. You scheme and scrimp to get enough money to afford the next horse show. YOu feel inclined to get down and "smell" hay bales. You count shavings, feed and wormer as necessities of life. Your heart swells when your horse spots you and comes running and whinnying to greet you. When you are driving along the road and you see a nice green spott of grass, you think " mmmm...". You think beautiful, empty feilds are a waste of good horse land and plan out how you would set up a barnyard. Your horse has tasted your favorite foods.

Horse Speak: See how much horses influence our conversations and how often we still use these phrases... found this somewhere... found it amusing! 1)"horse sense"-common sense 2) "Getting back in the saddle"- to re-attempt something 3)"Headlights/Taillights"-leftover from carriage days 4) "Nightmare" -bad dream 5)"That clinches it"- The final step in something 6) "Horsepower"- automotive power rating 7)"Make hay while the sun shines"- take advantage of an oppurtunity 8) "Getting hitched"- getting married 9)"HOrseplay"- rough play 10)"Haywire"-something gone wrong 11)"Long in the Tooth"- old, aged 12) "Stubborn as a mule"- hard to convince 13)"Mares'Tails"- clouds that indicate rain is on the way 14)"Work horse"-something or someone powerful 15)"Doesn't know if he's foot or horseback"-dimwitted 16)"nag"-old or bothersome 17)"strike while the iron is hot"-take advantage of an opportunity 18)"Horse of a different color"-something completely different 19)"Clothes HOrse"-fashionable person 20)"Hoofin' it"- walking 21)"Can't beat a dead horse"- useless situatioin 22)"It's a cinch"-something sure and easy 23)"Hitchhiking"-looking for a ride 24) "Spurring him on"-to encourage someone 25)"Champing on the Bit"-to be anxious to go 26)"Mule Headed"- stubborn

one horse says to another horse "hey, whats your name?" the other horse says "mines whoa damit!"LOL

You know your a horseperson when:1)you pretend your dog is a horse.2)the dog prances and you say"ooh good arabian!"3)you always pretend your dog is at some kind of horse show. 4)you always make your dog jump and place him on how well he did.5) you give your dog a show name.(well i have to be a horseperson because thats exactly what i do!)

You know your a horseperson when its raining down buckets and your chasing a horse around a paddock trying to get it to bring it in You know your a horseperson when you teach your dog to jump on command and he/she understands strides You know your a horseperson when you don't mind that when your pony gets sweaty he smells like ham (All of these are true) You know your a horseperson when you have rode washed scrubbed your pony then turn them out and they roll best excuse to not ride- I can't ride today my horse is having a bad hair day. Wait don't I own a Norweijen Fjord.

3 girls are gone riding, one is inexperienced and the other 2 are advanced... While riding, the inexperienced girls' horse starts going into a trot, she yells woah! And yanks on the reins, only to find out that there isn't any... so she yells for her friends' help and the horse stops. Then the merry go round manager tells the girl to get off!

you know you're a horse person when you would 1.) rather clean a stall then your room 2.) put clothespins on your ears and hang yourself from a clothesline so your horse wont feel bad about its big ears 3.) spend a fortune on carrots, apples and treats 4.) kiss you horse every 10 seconds 5.) when you sleepwalk you grab a flyswatter and race around hitting yourself saying *trot, trot!!* 6.) these arent funny, 1,3,4, and 5 are all true, i have done them!!

Best excuse not to ride: 1)The other horse is staring at us funny. 2)I just rode an hour yesterday!!!!

You know you're a horse person when, you say, Aw it's only recycled hay.......You share your horses Omolene at a show rather than eat out....You think someone should bottle horse sweat and sell it as a cologne.

You know your a horse person when...you watch your dog run to the feed pan and think "He's got a smooth gait"

Your vehicle if your a horse person: Cost less than your best horse/saddle/show clothing Dented from hooves Covered in hay/mud/that yucky slobber stuff that comes from a horses mouth Plenty big enough for a bale of hay, full tack and grooming supplies Mostly found by the barn, a garage?-what's that? Posted on the dash is the vets number (Believe it or not all this stuff is true!)

You know you're a horse person when: You take your dog to be "gelded". Anyone who is sick is "off their feed". Every other sentence you utter is "That would be a great name for a horse! I wonder if it's taken." It takes you a moment to figure out why people are pinching their noses when you enter the room. You touch parts of a horses anatomy you would never touch on your spouse. Right and wrong? Easy! Used or new? THAT'S hard! You accidentally refer to your parents as your dam and sire, and pregnant relatives as being "in foal". When you daydream, it's usually about what your horse is doing. Not only do you fantasize about being married on horseback, but you can't understand why your friends think it's weird. Every pair of pants you own is worn out on the seat, and all your shoes are muddy. And finally...not one of these is funny, because they're all true.

You know your a horse person when you eat sleep basicly live at the barn. Thats me! I Love the barn!!!!

You know you're a horse person when... 1.You think nothing of flicking the dogs leash to get the dog's attention. 2.You tell your dog to whoa 3.You call the leash the reins 4.When somebody asks what your real name is and you reply with, "I'm registered as..." 5.When people are going too slow for you, you cluck at them 6.When you get impatient you start to twitch and stamp 7.You think nothing of moving over the 250 lb bully that's in your way (after all, you can do it to a grumpy 2000 lb horse) 8.If you're playing a sport, and somebody runs toward you, you try to get them away by waving them away, stmaping your foot, and going "hey, hey" 9.If your horse has an unknown bump or even a tiny scratch, you panic. You on the other hand, could care less that you have no feeling in your right foot, are bleeding profusely, and your arm is broken in 3 places. 10. You think nothing of telling your horse, "s'cuse me, pardon me, wait one second, sorry about that, or thankyou"

hoofs- the reason your butt is soar

Back hoofs- The reason your butt is soar

The (10) best ways to recognise a city slicker around horses. 10- They show up to ride in Tommy jeans, an Abercrombie-Fich shirt and Nikes. 9-Someone who gets blisters in boots. 8-Cries when they step in horse poop. 7-Ask for deoderant for the horse because it smells sweaty. 6-Asks "Which side do you get on, again?" 5-Says "giddy-up!" "Hi-Ho Silver!" 4-Needs a wheelchair, cause they can't walk after they ride. 3-Screams when the horse: A- takes the first step B-Blows it's nose C- Shakes at a fly 2-Someone whose butt has "hang time" in the air at a trot. And the #1 way you can tell a city slicker around horses is: Someone who sees a whip and has to crack it just when a young horse is between you and the whip. You ask "Why did you do that?" (as you try to calm the horse that just landed on top of you) They reply "I wanted to see if I could make that niose like they do in the movies!!" Has this happened to anyone other than me (twice: (1) friend, (2) my husband right after I married him)

The (10) best ways to recognise a city slicker around horses. 10- They show up to ride in Tommy jeans, an Abercrombie-Fich shirt and Nikes. 9-Someone who gets blisters in boots. 8-Cries when they step in horse poop. 7-Ask for deoderant for the horse because it smells sweaty. 6-Asks "Which side do you get on, again?" 5-Says "giddy-up!" "Hi-Ho Silver!" 4-Needs a wheelchair, cause they can't walk after they ride. 3-Screams when the horse: A- takes the first step B-Blows it's nose C- Shakes at a fly 2-Someone whose butt has "hang time" in the air at a trot. And the #1 way you can tell a city slicker around horses is: Someone who sees a whip and has to crack it just when a young horse is between you and the whip. You ask "Why did you do that?" (as you try to calm the horse that just landed on top of you) They reply "I wanted to see if I could make that niose like they do in the movies!!"

You know you trust your horse when you let him give you a back massage with his hoof.

You know you are a horse person when: The barn the horse lives in is better than the house you do!!!!!

You know you're a horse person when: ~You ride for three years, begging your parents the whole time for a horse, only to have your trainer tell them that you are not ready. Then, finaly, your trainer says she found the perfect horse for you and you buy her for $2,000, even though she is a skinny throughbread x-racer with a huge hay belly that,even after a month or so of proper feeding, won't go down. Then, after taking her to the vet to get her teeth floated and a usual check-up, you find out that it wasn't a hay belly at all, but that your mare is 5 months in foal! ~You drink out of your horse's water bucket. ~After 3 months of research, you STILL can't find a decent blanket within your price range. (The first one actualy happened to me. I found out two days ago. I am so happy that I cried when I found out. My parents are just trying to figure out how they can afford it!)

How Wide Is That Again ? The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? A: Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe (and England) were built by Imperial Rome for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? Roman war chariots first made the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels and wagons. Since the chariots were made for, or by Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Thus, we have the answer to the original question. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Specifications and bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder which horse's rear came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war-horses. There's an interesting extension to the story about railroad gauges and horses' behinds. When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. Thiokol makes the SRBs at their factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory had to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses behinds. So, the major design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined by the width of a Horse's ass!

my horse looks mad today!! i think he has a cavity!!

You know you're a horseperson when you're willing to ride in a show with a 101-degree temperature. That's my daughter. Try to get her to give her horse, Mac (Gray Arab gelding), a day off - NO WAY!!!

Reason not to ride: He's having a bad Arab day!

You know that you really love you horse when You stand outside all winter because your horse refuses to set foot in the barn since she was afraid it would eat her. You put up with her eating every last scrap of food and clean all around. You allow her to head but you so hard you go flying forward at least 3 feet. You learn after the jump you can only make stupid faces adn laugh since she was so stupid. You spend the whole summer braiding leaning over while she eats and walks. You spend all of fall at the farm not riding because your horse is hurt and you feel bad. The only time you cry is when you have scratch and you are not upset that you cant show but that you rode your horse in the first place. Small hint dont name your horse a name that she can live up to in a bad way. My horse a feels she owns everything and always can get her way.

YOU KNOW IF URE A HORSE PRESON IF YOU TAKE YOURE FOALT TO HAVE THERE PICTURE TACKEN WITH SANTA

miniature horse- a pony you can punt accross the field shy- a horse that blushes when it see's a jump it can't cross

You know your a horse person when your teenage daughters complain that you spend more money on your horses than you do them!

You know your a horseperson when: You give your mom a pedicure and tell her that the rasp (emery borad) is too dull, her cornary band needs some help and that quarter crack isn't getting any better. You know your a horse person when: You cry your eyes out and sleep ourside in the winter with a meezly sleeping bag If your horse gets colic. You know your a horse person when: You and your horsey friends talk about breast plates in public and then wonder why people are starring at you. All of the above are true! They all happend/ happen to me. My dog knows walk on and whoa, and i have no shame in picking up a frozen turd to throw for him. ANOTHER: You know your a horseperson when: You name your pets after your favorite riders/pets (my Newts name is Ludger!)

A man went down to a horse sale and he seen this horse.So he went over to talk to the man who owned the horse he said "Can you shoot off of him"?The man said yes.The man asked him some more questions and said"I`ll buy him".The man said "if you have any trouble with him just call me".About a week later the man called him,and said "I thought you said"You could shoot off this horse."The man said"You must have misunderstood,you can shoot off of the horse not on him."So the next day the man sold that horse.And always made sure that you could shoot on the horse.

You know you are a horse person when you dont mind sharing your apple with the horse and the horse shares his apple with you! You also know your a horse person when you sit in the car and other people are too slow at a stop light to go and your muscles twitch or you cluck at them!!(people give dirty looks when you do that!...the must not be horsey!!)

my horse doesn't like the saddle I us, or blanket, or bit.

You know you're a horseperson when:Your boyfriend complains that you love your horse more than you love him, and you reply "And your point is?"

when you spend one hour washing your horse/ponys tail,get it looking lovely,turn away for one second and then he/she does a poo!(this happend to me on saturday!)

Your know you're a horse person when you spend more time grooming your horse than you do grooming yourself (I actually do this). Something to remember: It's the hardest horses that have the most to teach you.

Slang: "Gait enhancer" - dressage whip

You know you are a horse person when you are watching a show and start clucking and hollering whoa & when you cluck to your dog.

When you ever want to ride a horse that is nice,gentle, and willing to do whateever you want come on in to broncos for you to tame and then give back!

Dumb blonde on a ride with her friends. Her horse, half way through the ride started to crow hop then took off and would not stop. She yelled and screamed at her horse trying to get it to stop but instead it went faster and faster, she was close to unconciousness when she tried one last time to stop her horse and it stoped almost sending her flying the manager of the carnivol had turned off the merrygoaround. he told her to get off.

Why did indians ride appys? Because by the time the enemy got there the indians were mad at them for being late.

Your a true horse person when you spend hundreds of dollas on show clothes and show tack, buy really expensive shampoo that works about as well as mud, spend $100 on gasoline to go to a show where you get to compete against a bunch of stuck up know it alls, and just might have a chance to win a 50cent ribon.

A pastor was looking for a horse to give to his daughter. He found one but it only responded to "Thank the Lord" for go and "Amen" for whoa. Well he thought it would be best for him to get on first so he did. He shouted "Thank the Lord" at the top of his lungs and the horse ran off at a dead gallop for a cliff. He shouted whoa and at the last minute yelled Amen. Then he looked up and said Thank the Lord!! LoL! And for all you appy lovers, why did the Indians ride Appies into battle?? Because they were so mad when they got there!! Hahaha! Personally I like Paints!

A cowboy rode into town on Friday and stayed for three days then when he left he left on Friday. How could this be? answer: His horses name is friday MY HORSES NAME REALLY IS FRIDAY

The same girl in this room who complains about: getting up at 6Am to go to school cleaning her room , doing the dishes and laundry,,,, Is the same girl who WILL: Get up at 5 Am by herself to go and ride, will work for hours on end to muck out her horses stall, will work tirelessly for hourse to groom her horse to the perfect shine (even if he will roll five minutes later) and will spend hours studying horses.

I have so much to do!!!!

I had to defend my Appaloosa!!!he's 4 years old and just as smart, talented, and pretty as any other nag!!!!

A blonde was out for a ride one day, when the horse became uncontrollable. She tried everything she could to stop the horse. Nothing worked, she paniced started screeming at the top of her lungs, stop!! stop!! suddenly the horse stopped dead in tracks. Then she heard a little voice say excuse me mam can I ride now I have a quarter.

SLANG SCHMEGMA- (Shh-meg-ma)The crusty stuff removed from the utters or sheath

Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he would get a kick out of it

What does an appaloosa do when they do not get their way? They through an appattach....

plain brown wrapper: quarter horses hope ya'll had great holidays!! expecting a paint foal any day now...then i will truly be able to say i have 10 paint horses on the ground!

You know your a Horse person when----- You try to get people in the super markey line in front of you to go faster by clucking and whistleing----You fall off and say "Thats the third time today , hey were doin pretty good"

You know you're a horse person when you saddle up,and the horse steps on your foot,swats you with it's tail;then eats a button off your favorite jacket...And the only comment you make is, remind me why I bought this horse again!? Then here is my main reason not to go out riding: I just washed my horse, and can't do a thing with her!! I just bought my horse over Christmas, and I'm new to owning and riding horses; as I was a city slicker! Miriah, is a mustang off the plains of Wyoming, dapple gray color.. Has a raised hip but it doen't effect her as a trail horse. For a broom tail, she handles good and likes me for the moment!Would like to hear from other horse lovers about your horses too! Bye for now....

You know you're a horseperson when: ~you go a horse-space behind your dog ~apples, carrots, and oatmeal are the only foods in your kitchen ~you refer to your room as your "stall" ~steel-toed boots become your regular footwear How to be a horseperson: drop heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away, just scream "Get off, stupid, get off!"

You know you're a horse lover when... even article of clothing that you buy, including fancier items, has to be horse proof ...when your dog responds better to clicks and whistles that any spoken command ...when you diagnose a stomach ache as colic ...when everything you get for christmas or hanukah is horse related ...when you complain about taking out the compost but get up every morning before classes start to muck out your horse(s) stall(s). Merry Christmas Happy Hanukah

Excuses not to ride: I didn't feed her soon enough this morning and she is really ticked off right now and I just cleaned her.

You know your a horse person when:while watching a video of a horse show you cluck to the horse when he stops and you nod your head with each stride in the horse's lope.

Horse Slang Crash Helmet - Riding Helmet

Horse Slang- Crash Helmet (riding helmet)

No Jokes, But I must defend my APPY!!! Appy's have all you could ever want! Color, Brains, SPEED,and they're just darn good!!!

A cowboy rode in on Friday, stayed 2 days and left on Friday How can this be?

Horse Show Stress: You go to a show without your trainer and actually have money to buy food because you don't have to pay a day fee! You have the oldest truck on the grounds and your husband instantly bales out and throws up the hood as soon as you get there. (if you're lucky there will be no smoke) After forking out everything you own, you still get the gate. When family comes to watch you show you are guarenteed to get the gate, plus you have the added stress of entertaining everyone!!

Excuses not to ride: By the time I get all the mud brushed off, I'm too tired and dirty to get on.

Q: why was the pinto/paint so confused A: because he's 2 colors and he thinks he's surgically attached to a dairy cow and he's so "lazy" to think logically.

excuses not to ride: my butt hurts,I already rode, I feel sick,my horse doesn't like me,my mare's pregnant,my stud sees a mare,my horse has saddle sores, maybe i just don't want to!

I rode yesturday, My horse is tired! You only fall off when someone is videotaping you. Rapid Dismount-(definition)when the rider falls off at a high rate of speed

Withers - The reasn you rarely see a man riding bareback.

Well, I don't have that much humor in me but, I think this might be funny. O.K. Question- what did the plow horses sing? -------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------- Here's the answer--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Answer- Reins, Reins go away.

You know your a horse person when you use the same shampoo and conditioner you use on your horse. And don't forget about the detangler! Personally, I use Showsheen!!!

this one applies to every pinto i ever met. And i recently added horses with two different color eyes to the definition of pinto... Pinto are subject to random "Pinto attacks" this is becuase their brains are so confused by being two colors they have to suddenly switch mood and throw a fit. Luckily the attacks dont last too long and can be ended by immediate adminstration of carrots orally or return to the barn. Examples of pinto attacks include the horse who halfway thruogh a course of lovely forward smooth jumps turns into cold molasses and is passed by a barn cat...the pony who after being all cuddly for hours and recieving many treats and hugs suddenly chomps the next bit of flesh to come near his mouth ....and my mounted patrol horse who has been around cars two out of every three nights for 4 years last week suddenyl decided the toyota corlla was a gelding eating monster. and he promptly went into rapid reverse. no turns allowed please keep all extremities and obsecneiteis on the horse and hope he doesnt.....he tripped. ouch?

you know your a horse person when.......the only things you look for on the internet are horse related sites. you car if more like a tack trunk and a hay barn then a normal car. you spend more money on bridles because the reins break evertime your horse bolts off on you at a Pony Club Rally. You friend is jeluess because your BEST friend is your horse. your most unwanted mare......loses her shoes purposely right after the farrier puts them on, more food comes out of her mouth then what she actually eats. Bolts at shows when you least expect it. lifts you up when you put the bridly on because shes 16.2 hh and can. On the best day for you to ride her she is lame or spooks at the pond near the arena either know she loves to swim in it and do jumps near it every other day. reasons not to ride....my mare is in that season, my horse is lame, my stallion knows theres a mare around, the sand in the ring is do hard, it might were down the new shoes I put on her, my is to clean to ride today, my horse just ate, my doctor said I can't do anything that involves falling, my horse bucked me off yesturday and I'm to afraid to ride her, my horse is jeluess because I rode my friend horse yesturday and she smells him and she'll buck me off if I do. ohh, if you have ims, im me at spookyfoxscully or email me at seleta2000@email.com if you wanna talk

You know your a horse person when=You feed your family the evening meal in a bucket!

AD Definitions: Needs Experienced Rider - Or A Rider With A Velcro Bum Loves Cildren - But Couldn't Eat A Whole One! Lovely To Handle - On The End Of A Ten Foot Rope No Stable Vices - But He Does It All In The Field!

AD Definitions: Needs Experienced Rider - Or A Rider With A Velcro Bum Loves Cildren - But Couldn't Eat A Whole One! Lovely To Handle - On The End Of A Ten Foot Rope No Stable Vices - But He Does It All In The Field!

dumb blond?? This blond girl decides to buy some horses. Gets 2 but there is a problem since she cannot tell them apart. She goes to see a horse trainer and asks him how she can tell the difference between the 2 horses. The trainer thinks and then tells her she can cut the tail of one of her horses and then she would be able to tell them apart. So the blond does that and for the rest of the day she is able to tell which horse is which. When she come back the next day the other horse got its tail caught on a fence and had torn of half of its tail. Again the blond couldn't tell them apart! She goes to see the trainer again and he tells her to just knick a bit of the ear of one of her horses. She goes back home and does that, and again for the rest of the day she can tell them apart. When she goes back to the barn she notices that both the horses have pieces of ears missing cause one of them bit it off. Again she goes back to the trainer and this time he find a fool proof way to tell the horses apart. He tell her to check the height of the horses, that maybe one is bigger than the other. She goes back home and measures her horse and find that again the trainer is right. The black horse is 3 inches taller than the white one!!!!

Butt ring-the oval on your jeans after you ride bareback Write me sometime. I love talking to new people, especially about my favorite subject....horses!! I am 16/f.

What is the hardest thing about learning to ride??? The ground!

wut kind fo horse likes to be ridden at night a night mare

You know you're a horse person when....your horse is better groomed than you are.

What does a stallion eat for breakfast? A stud muffin!! hahahahahahahahaha

You know you're a horse person when you have to check your hair for mis-placed pieces of hay before you stop at the store on the way back from the barn! You may only find them AFTER you get home!

Nobody ever notices how you ride until you fall off. SOOOO true, when you've been riding all your life and are so expierienced at falling off you begin to smile in mid-air hahaha!!! You know your a horse person when the words, stand, whoa, And I said WHOA DARRNIT, were first on your vocab as a baby. You are embarrassed to walk on the beach because your toe has been broken so many times it zig-zags. And last but not least, when you horse is behaving the first words out of your mouth are: What's wrong? are you sick? should I call the vet? My horse is exceptionaly well behaved with anyone else, but with me we buck and do circles and run at a dead gallop.

you know that you've been around horses too long when; your friends call you by your horses name and not your real name. excuses: he's lost too much weight this winter and I'm trying to make him put it back on. 2. But I'm still a bit worried about his sore, I'll give him another week. 3. he competed last week, now he needs some time off 4. He hasn't been ridden for a month, he's too unfit. 5.I'm saving him for the competition on Sunday. excuses for bad performance at events: Mum didn't get him ready properly. 2. he wasn't warmed up properly 3. We had to travel a long way and he is tired. 4. It was too windy. 5. I can't ride properly in the rain.

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between you and the ground. Absentmindeness is looking for the horse you are riding.

You know your a horse person when you pay more for a saddle than you did for your car!

For all you appy lovers out there, Why were the Nez Perce indians such fierce fighters? Because by the time they got where they were going they were so pissed at their horses they were ready to kill anything!! hahahahahahahahahahaha!

For all you appy lovers out there, Why were the Nez Perce indians such fierce fighters? Because by the time they got where they were going they were so pissed at their horses they were ready to kill anything!! hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Only horsepeople know why a therrmometer woul have a yard of yarn tied to the end of it.

On the third day God created Quarter Horses and on the forth day he spotted the best...Appaloosas!!

You know your a horse person when your 3-horse becomes the biggest 1-horse around because you carry everything including the microwave. And when someone asks you if you can trailer them you say I need at least a weeks notice cause' it takes me that long to clean the space.

They invented spurs for two reasons:1) The slow horse. 2) So that when you come off it's very painful and it teaches you to jump up and get right back on. And all the while thinking something just bit me.

Another horse law: The neverending circle of dust. You brush it off it floats back on, you brush it off it floats back on, you brush it off...

Definition: CREW: Endurance riding term for helper at rides; really stands for: Crabby Riders, Endless Waiting

You know you're a horse person when: 1Your mother who has no grand children, recives cards addressed to Granma, signed by the horses. 2On rainy days you organise the tack room instead of the house. 3Your horses' mane and tail look better than your hair doo does.

HOW MANY HORSES DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? Warmblood: Light bulb? What light bulb? Any Foal: Ah, come on mom...the sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? Thoroughbred: Just one. And he'll rewire the whole barn. Shetland Pony: I can't reach the stupid lamp. Saddlebred: Sorry, I just had my hooves and mane done. Morgan: Oh, oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I, can I? I promise I won't brake this one! Quarter Horse: I'd be happy to help you with that! I can fit it in between cutting and Hunter Under Saddle. Oh, wait...I have trail at noon and Western Pleasure class at 2:00. Let's see...no, no, I have Pleasure Driving at 4:30 and Reining at 6:00. Then, the trainer needs me for a lessonwith a new Walk-Jogger tonight at 8:00. I know: Just leave it by my stall and I'll do it at 4:00 am, just before my bath for the Halter class. Trakhener: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? Holsteiner: How DARE that light bulb burn out! How DARE you ask me to change it!! OH!! (Flouncing off) Appaloosa: No, don't change it! If it's dark, maybe no one will see me raiding the feed room. Andalusian: Let the maid do it. That's what we pay the help for. Clydesdale: Och, and ye'll just be usin' up the 'lectricity, ye' will, better tae use a wee bit of candle... better yet tae not waste either and just gae tae sleep when the sun gaes doon...'lectricity is verra dear. Arabian: (fidgeting all the while) Lights? Lights? Where? Do you want me to pose? This is my good side...no, wait, let me get my mane straight...no, wait, this angle is all wrong. No wait, maybe this is my good side. Do you want dramatic...or bold..or maybe sensitive... Shire: ( Yawn) Who cares?

You know you're a horse person when your tack box isn't in your car, it IS your car.

One man's wrong lead is another man's counter canter!

What do you call a white horse that falls in the mud? a dirty white joke

What do you call a dog that is ten times bigger than a normal dog and neighs and kicks?............A HORSE!!!!

what is the worst trick the Ameriacn Indians? The Appie. other terms....App-a-looser:) and Crappy Appie. I have a half appie, so I can say that:) actually, Wyatt is pretty cool:)

You know its bad when you tell your dog WHOA!

How to Interpret Classified Horse Ads NICELY STARTED: lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet. TOP SHOW HORSE: won a reserve championship 5 yrs ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings. WELL MANNERED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten or kicked anyone in a week. BOLD, GOOD MOVER, ATHLETIC, NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: runaway. CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: clippity clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls his butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.

You walk inside and your horse is poopin' money you say "Thank God!!" I say "WAKE-UP!!!!!!YOUR DREAMIN"

You know you are a horse person when......you tell your kids to stand.

you know your a horse person when: -all family photos include horses -your evening attire is yesterdays jeans an old t-shirt and mucking boots

none sorry

Slang: YEEEE HAW= oh crap..please let me stay up

a horse walkes into a barn becuase its raining.she lyes down on a saddle blanket that as really small,"HEY,THATS MY SADDLE BLANKET!"neighs a very small filly."im just resting candie!"the horse whispers."i dont care".says candie.the horse gets up and has an accident."ooooooooooooooops!"hosre says.and walkes away smirking."yuck!" candie says.

what do you do with a stupid horse? sell it to a stupid rider.

what do you do if, after a trail ride, your horse wont stop and bolts directly into the barn? duck.

circle of death: 1)lunge horse 2) place very inexperienced rider in saddle 3) continue tooo lunge (whip is nessasary) 4) call paramedics

circle of death: 1)lunge horse 2) place very inexperienced rider in saddle 3) continue tooo lunge (whip is nessasary) 4) call paramedics

whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to buy a horse:) everyone believes in something, i believe i need to ride my horse:) best excuse not to help out at the barn: my horse will get jealous of i pay attention to someone else:)

Bare-back butt: dirty jeans after riding without a saddle

Slang: "Thrasher"--Arabian English Pleasure Horse "Ammie" New horse owner with no knowledge whatsoever--leaves stall doors open with horse unrestrained, Puts two horses who don't know each other in a stall together, etc.

When I was a boy, I had a wonderful little pony, but did not have anything to feed it, so I swapped it for two bails of hay and then borrowed the pony back to eat the hay.

No matter how hungry my horse gets on sunday, he won't eat a bit. (2) I have a horse that always minds real well. For instance, when he fell off a cliff, I looked over the edge and hollored Whoa..."Just in time."

You know your a horse person when you tell your dog to "whoa!!" And when you want him to walk you cluck at him!!! Ok here's a REALLY REALLY funny one!! ok, one horse walked up to another horse and said "Hi my names Whoa Darrnit, whats yours?"!!! Ha ha ha I laugh!! also here's a funny phrase Equus keepus brokus!!! SOOOO TRUE!!!!! Thanks you much!!!

Why not to ride a horse- because that ugly helmet will give you helmet hair. If you've never been on a trail ride through the woods take my advice and borrow your horses fly mask!

excuses-but I don't want to go by meself..you come too You know your a horse person when - you walk your dog and instead of sayind heal you say whoa. when - a fly lands on your leg you stop your foot instead of swating it

You know your a horse person if you call your shed a barn. You know your a horse person when you say you are going to muck out your room.

Excuses- 1. But I just groomed her! 2. My satllion has P.M.S! 3. He just got those shoes yesterday!

Excuse-I just got these riding clothes yesterday!

Excuses: I have to clean my spotless room.

My horse just ate, and I don't want to give him colic!

The most affective excuse for not riding on a particullar day is. " my horse is not feeling well"

Sending your horse to a trainer without their own fly spray and mask is like sending your kid to camp without any underwear!

You know you are a dedicated horse owner when you count your horse's "poops" on a daily basis! If this makes you a dedicated horse owner, what are you called when you begin to analyze the texture??

Horseperson's Glossary Auction: A popular social gathering where you can change your horse from a liability into an asset Colic: Gastrointestinal result of eating at horse-show food stands Colt: What your mare gives you when you want a filly Endurance ride: End result when your horse spooks and runs away with you Feed: Expensive substance used to manufacture manure Fence: Decorative structure built to provide your horse something to chew on Grooming: Fine art of removing dirt from your horse's body and applying it to your own Hock: Financial condition of all horse owners Longeing: Popular training method in which a horse exercises his owner by spinning him in circles until dizzy Pinto: Green coat pattern found on a freshly-washed gray horse left unattended in a stall for 10 minutes Rasp: Abrasive metal tool used to remove excess skin from knuckles Stall: What your rig does at rush hour in an unfamiliar city on the way to a horse show

Best excuse I ever heard for not riding: My clothes don't match.

I Just had to defend my APPY ! my horse is not slow and dons't make me mad ! soooooo neener neener to all of you !

Why dd Native Americans ride Appys? It was the only thing they could catch on foot! I really do love Appys, but it is such a cute joke.

Any sexycowgirls out there? C'mon to my site and drop me a line, perhaps we can hookup? What do ya think? Looking for a sexycowboy? Then search no more, here I am your cowboy in shining armor..

A horse walks up to the bar and orders a drink from the bartender. The bartender sets the drink in front of him and tells the horse, "it's o.k. buddy, you can talk to me. Why the long face?"

P.M.S. Pissy Mare Syndrome

I can't ride today because I can't remember how to ride on certain days of the week!

You know you're a horse person when you find hay in your bathtub, horse treats scattered around the house, horse hair on your work clothes, and hoof shaped bruises on your feet! Best excuse not to ride: It's breeding season and he might run back into the barn! :) Love those horses!

Treat a woman like a racehorse and she will never be a nag!!!

best excuse=I just rode yesterday!

You know you're a horse person if...when you are sick you say you're going to see the vet.

I was waiting for the ferrier. When he showed up my 3 year old granddaughter said, "Nanny, the fairy is here.

You know your a horse lover when- ~ Your friend says "Hurry Up" when you walking slow and you cluck ~ Your friend asks, "Do you have a tail?" And you say, "Yes, in my barn, plenty." And she says, "No a TALL TALE!!"

A horse named Slow Mo was walking slumply through the pasture, chopping grass on the way. He was the slowest, un athletic horse at the barn. As I came out to saddle him up, I saw that a horse named Chicago Bear was running at Slow Mo. I quickly yelled, "Slow Mo, It's Chicago Bear!!" Slow Mo neighed in the air and galloped away. I was amazed. I walked up to Slow Mo, who was acting slow again. "What was that all about?" He answered me, "He's contagious!" I fainted.

Why did the American indian ride Appaloosas to battle ? So they would be good and mad when they got there.

You know you are a horseperson when: -You cluck to your car when you go up a hill. -Your horse's hair is in better condition than your own. -You refer to your car as "my portable tack room". -You are exited when your friend tells you that there is a huge sale at the bridle shop, then you are dissapointed when you realize they mean the bridal shop. -You have the vet's number but not the kid's pediatrician on your speed dial. -Your spouse can track dirt into the house all they want, but God help them if they muddy up the tack room. -Your house is a mess, but the barn is as neat as a pin. -Your nice clothes are the ones without horse hair all over them. -You have to go to your friend's wedding in riding clothes because you took too long at the barn.

A man left for a trail ride on Friday, and came back 3 days later on Friday. How? His horse's name was Friday!LOL!

Q:What is a horses favorite kind of party? A: A stall ball.

A middle aged coupled came out to ride. The wife saddled up next to me and spoke softly "I will need a special horse Mr.Adkins for I have never ridden." To which I responded "No problem Lady I have a horse that has never been ridden. The two of you can learn together."

what has four legs, a huge appetite, and cost more then you spend on your self, a horse of course

Never invest in something that eats while you sleep Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions: Does the horse jump? All horses jump Does the horse bite? All horses bite Does the horse buck? All horses buck

A pastor was looking for a 'religous horse' for his upcoming Sunday-school picnic. After much searching he found a supposedly gentle mare that responded to the words 'Thank-you God' as a gidiup and she stopped at the word Amen. He immediately bought the horse and the following Sunday he presented the horse at the after-service picnic. Everyone was so excited but insisted the pastor got the first ride. So he jumped on and said, 'Thank-you God' and the horse took off towards the cliff at a full gallop. The pastor started yelling 'whoa' 'stop, whoa' The horse just kept going as fast as she could. At the very last second he remembered and yelled, 'AMEN'. The mare skidded to a stop just mere inches from certain death. Sweat pouring down his face the pastor wiped his brow and looking skyward said, "Thank-you God"!

What is the diference between a good horse and a bad horse? THE RIDER!

Question: What is fly spray for? Answer: To attract flies and get on your grooming tools!

Just as I thought the day couldn't get any better my horse craps on the farrier and the guy yells "holy crap"

What showsheen is REALLY for: a substance used by owners who don't take good enough care of their horses coat without it.

Five Gaited Horse: Start, Stop, Stumble, Stagger and Fall

Only horsepeople would spend hundreds of dollors on a show for a 95 cent ribben. From the book only horsepeople

I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day, I went horse back riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all of my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when thing could not posssibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up all hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged it. Thank goodness for heroes.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you go to the barn and the horses are wearing helmets! You know it's going to be a bad day when a student makes an "unauthorized dismount" and then tells you they meant to do that!

You know when you're a horse person, when you're sick and you say you have colic.

excuses not let anyone else ride your horse--> Sorry he/she's a one person horse, Can't seem to find the bridle, she don't take to the saddle (and he's 13)

Joe needed to board his horse for a couple of months while he went on the road, so he went to see Farmer Jones. Jones said 'I charge $50 a week, and I keep the manure. Joe said that was too much money, so Jones suggested he try Farmer Smith. Smith said 'I charge $40 a week, and I keep the manure. Joe said that was still too much, so Smith told him to check with Farmer Brown down the road. Joe went to see Farmer Brown, who said he would keep him for $5 a week. Joe was understandably pleased with this price, so, he offered, 'I suppose you will want to keep the manure.' 'Feller,' drawled Farmer Brown, 'At $5 a week, there ain't gonna be none.'

Horse slang:Yeah yeahs-All the energy in a horse after not being ridden for a few days. Excuses-The rings too muddy, and I don't want to get my horse dirty. You know you're a horse person when you find shavings in YOUR hair brush.

What do you call a "horse for sale" --->A BAD HORSE!

best excuse not to ride==> My horse has PMS...(i thought i have a gelding!)

Best excuse not to ride "We're both having bad hair days" (I really used this recently and it worked)

Best excuse not to ride; My mare and I are in heat and won't get along.

best excuse= He looked mad at me today

IT'S A RED MARE THING...... ...SHE'S SPOOKY ...SHE BLOATS WHEN YOU GIRTH HER ...SHE'S ALWAYS HUNGRY ...SHE ACTS LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING TO HURT HER ...SHE KILLS OTHER HORSES IF THEY LOOK AT HER THE WRONG WAY ...SHE HATES THE VET ...SHE HATES THE BLACKSMITH ...AND WHEN SHE'S IN HEAT SHE HATES THE WORLD

Now that the feeding is done and the stall is clean, theres no time left to ride.

suck and blow- cribbing putting on a show- your horse is acting goofy in front of an audience of people. the Horse do- when your hair is blown back from galloping

What is black and white and eats like a horse? A Zebra !

Horse slang: Skid Lid - a riding helmet.

Did you hear about the guy who wanted to trained his horse not to eat? Just when he trained him not to eat his horse went and died on him!

One of my friends told me recently she could ride because her boarder's horse would get to upset!!

What is the difference between a good trainer and a bad trainer? A bad trainer makes more money because they take longer to train their horses!

why did the horse cross the road? it was the chickens day off.

FLASH!!! Pony express rider goes "postal" at work place shooting every horse in sight!!!

Why I can't ride today - Because my groom is not working today to prepare my horse!

I can't go out riding cause.....my back went out! You know your a horse person when...you get your horses feet trimmed & pick them daily, but forget to trim YOUR toenails!

What is the best way to ruin a good trail ride? Take your trainer along. .

When going on a trail ride, the two worst things that could happen to you are: 1) While your horse is being bad, you forget to duck at the next low branch. 2) You could be riding with your sister.

When do you know you are too old to ride? When your horse stops messin' around with you, and listens.! (cause he knows your too old too care!)

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